A Way of Saying I Love You
by angkat14
Summary: She turned her teary eyes at him, “I need this one night, Kurama. Even just for one night, let me feel that you are mine.” oneshot KuramaBotan


**Author's Note:** Alright. This was supposed to be a multi-chapter fic but I've evaluated my schedule and admitted that it won't permit me such big project, so I turned it as a one-shot, the should-be last chapter of my previously planned fic.

There should be a sequel, which I doubt I would be able to write, and if miracle permits, I'm going to write the prequel to this, previews as to the prequel were indicated in the flashbacks.

This is also dedicated to my readers, all of you out there, are still there and supporting me after almost four years of writing. Thank you very much.

Credit also goes to Expose, one of my favorite bands, for the song used in the story.

Lastly, the last chapter of Stolen Hearts would be out soon, finished writing it, just don't have the time to word-process it.

* * *

**Disclaimers Applied!**

**A WAY OF SAYING I LOVE YOU**

* * *

He was hot. And he was a little more than tipsy. To put it quite easily, he was drunk. He didn't need a mirror to know that his face was probably the same shade as his long tresses. 

"Hey, ease up on that liquor, buddy," someone said, and he turned to look at Yuusuke, getting a little red on the face, too. However, unlike him, the effect of alcohol on him was loudness, while he grew more sorrowful with every shot he took.

Or maybe it wasn't all the alcohol that's making him feel this – miserable.

"Come on, lover boy, you wouldn't want to pass out on the chick tonight," another one said, and he turned to look at him, still not making a sound. The action made him dizzy, but of course, he wouldn't admit to anyone of his condition. It wasn't his fault that this body he was using for twenty years had a low tolerance on alcohol.

"What chick?" he suddenly asked Kuwabara nervously.

But the big guy only smiled naughtily at him and turned to Yuusuke, who was just sitting beside him, wearing the same naughty smile on his face.

"Come on, kitsune, you didn't think we wouldn't get you a chick for your bachelor party, didn't you? You're getting married tomorrow!" Yuusuke announced loudly, he had to cringe.

But not because Yuusuke was loud, but because he had announced that he, the greatest womanizer, Youko Kurama, was about to married. And now, he had a whore his friends picked up for him which he doubted would appreciate his condition right now.

He would just have to give a big tip on the poor girl because he knew he would pass out as soon as he hit the bed. Kami, he was drunk.

And, wait a minute? Did he just say this was a bachelor party? It was like a drinking session with Yuusuke and Kuwabara. He wasn't that unfriendly that only two people attended his bachelor party. But almost half of his friends are girls what with Keiko and the others, and, well, logic would tell that they are not allowed to attend a bachelor's party.

Koenma was, as usual, busy with his work in Reikai, and Touya and the others are in Makai right now, doing some work for Enki. Hiei was around, but he wouldn't be bothered to attend this 'pathetic gathering' as per the fire deamon's own words.

Still Kurama felt inclined to invite due to their long working relationship. Besides, it was the polite thing to do. And Shuichi Minamino is politeness personified.

Oh, why oh why did he ever give up his Makai life for this, anyway? This politeness was the very first thing that started all these trouble, anyway.

"Yo, kitsune, are you still with us?" Yuusuke snapped as he dangled a key in front of his face that he had to blink a few times to clear his vision. That rude man, what was he doing dangling a key in front of his face when he can't see straight already?

"Stop it," he snapped and was annoyed when Yuusuke only smiled goofily and slapped the key onto his palm.

"Well, that's the key to your room! We better get going now or I won't hear the end of things from Keiko," he said, stood up and dragged Kuwabara with him, who turned out to be drunk, too, to know what was happening.

They were almost out the door when Yuusuke called back to him. "Hey, Kurama. Don't take too long, alright? The chick might get cold inside your car," he said.

At that, he was suddenly alert and his drunken state gone. How one can turn from disgustingly drunk to completely sane in three seconds was beyond him. The girl was in – "WHAT? You put the girl inside my car?" he yelled that Yuusuke stopped in his tracks – while Kuwabara went on his way, mumbling that he would go ahead or his sister would kill her.

"What's wrong with that?"

"What if she stole my car?" he asked and almost groaned at the possibility. The car was not even fully paid yet, and it was an expensive one. If the car was stolen –

But Yuusuke only snorted at him, "Oh please, the girl won't do that."

"How'd you know?" he challenged.

And he instantly disliked the way Yuusuke smirked at him. "The girl needed some good loving. We showed her your picture and she was ready to do it even without pay. I'm telling you, kitsune, sometimes you are disgustingly too good-looking for your own good, I'm starting to pity your soon to be wife."

"Is she legal?" he asked, ignoring the comment about his future wife, realizing the irony of his question when Yuusuke's eyes widened.

"Legal? Where can you find a legal prostitute?" he snapped, his voice rising again.

"I mean, is she of legal age? I don't want to be accused of being a cradle snatcher," he asked, instantly correcting his question.

"Yeah, I think so. Listen buddy, I really want to stay here and talk to you but I have my own girlfriend to think about. Try not to think about your wife tonight and have some fun. After all, it's the last night you're going to be free," Yuusuke said and before he can protest, the dark-haired man had already exited, leaving him in his thoughts.

Last day of freedom.

How right could he be?

* * *

He sighed and slammed the door shut. There was no turning back. "Sorry about that. Did you wait long?" he asked, not even bothering to look at his rearview mirror. She was apparently in the backseat, which was good. He didn't really want to see what she looked like. 

"Not really," came the girl's reply.

The voice sounded painfully familiar that he turned around abruptly – only to come face to face with her. He inhaled sharply. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I can say that you're happy to see me," she said sarcastically and leaned towards him, her face only a few inches away from him. He could smell her awfully unique scent.

Then, as if remembering something, his eyes widened and leaned away from her. "You aren't –"

"No, I am not the prostitute, thank you very much," she said stiffly, even her back straightened as if the implication was a direct blow to her.

"Oh. What are you doing here? It's not right for you to see me before the wedding."

"I know," she said lowly. "It's not right to see you at all."

Silence.

It was hard to be apart from her and yet equally hard to be with her. "I'll get you home. Where are you staying for the night?"

She smiled weakly at him. "I believe the room was no. 411," she said.

"Huh?" he asked in wonder as he started the engine of his car.

"The room number of the hotel. The girl told me," she said and noted in satisfaction when she saw from the rearview mirror that his eyes became guarded, a sign that he was, once again, shielding his emotions from her.

"What hotel?" he asked, trying to sound innocent.

She pulled some of his hair and chuckled when he protested in pain, "Drop the act, kitsune. I know Yuusuke rented a room for your, err, celebration tonight, so we'll go there and spend the night together."

He pulled the handbrake and turned to her, "Well, Yuusuke rented the room for me and –" he stopped in mid-sentence and tried to rephrase his statement, "What I am saying is that, you are not the –"

She interrupted him. "Yes, yes, I am not the prostitute. As if I need constant reminder of my social class," she said impatiently.

He sighed. "I can't do that to you, Botan."

She inhaled sharply. "Right. You don't want to do it with me and yet you are willing to do that to a stranger, and a whore at that. Maybe I'm just assuming things," she said, and was mentally glad that her voice didn't crack from the tears that were starting to form at the corner of her eyes.

However, she heard her heart breaking once again.

She made the move to get out of the car, but he grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving. "Please. It's the very same thing that it's you that's why I can't do it. I can't take you knowing it cannot be."

"Right."

"Please believe me," he begged, although he didn't really know why. It would be better if she just leave. It will give his heart and mind some peace. But parting from her knowing she held a grudge –

She turned her teary eyes at him, "I need this one night, Kurama. Even just for one night, let me feel that you are mine."

He sighed again. Things would surely get complicated if he did what she was asking. "Botan –"

She smiled sadly and the tears fell. "Do I have to beg? Besides, this doesn't count as being an unfaithful husband, I know that. You're not married yet, and…and this is supposed to be your bachelor party, right?"

He would not give in, no matter how tempting her offer was. "I'll drive you to the hotel and you can sleep there for the night. But promise me you'll go back to Reikai tomorrow morning," he said firmly, not looking at her as he started driving – not wanting to see her cry, knowing it would soften his resolve and change his mind.

"You won't be able to leave once we get there, Kurama," she said softly, currently looking out of the windows, also not looking at him.

"We'll see."

* * *

He can't believe any of this was happening. He suppressed a groan when she moved. "Please get off," he said almost painfully. 

But she only propped her elbows and rested her head on her palm, "Why, I'm quite comfortable in this position," she said and smiled naughtily at him.

Well, it was anything but comfortable. They were both naked in bed, with her on top of him. He didn't know how it happened but the moment they stepped into the room, she stripped her clothes, making him froze and before he knew it, he was pinned under her on the bed.

"Botan –" he started and stopped when he saw how her eyes clouded with tears. She wasn't thinking straight, of that he was sure. And it was up to him to act rationally, but it was proving quite difficult with her draped on top of him – naked. "You've got to be serious with this, we can't –"

"If there's someone who's not being serious, it was you, not me. You don't think I mean what I said back then, do you? Well, I really think you're not taking me seriously," she said and as she shifted, he groaned, and firmly held her in place.

"First of all, things are really going to get serious if you don't stop rubbing against me. Don't you know the effect you have on me? It's just that – oh dear, don't cry, sweetheart," he said, completely forgetting what he wanted to say when he saw her tears fell once again tonight, and wiped her tears dry with his thumb.

She saw him softened – that was enough to stop her from crying. Kami, but she turned to a mush this past few weeks. "I need you to cooperate or I'm going to resort to raping you," she said in false cheerfulness and when her eyes crinkled when she smiled, more tears fell – it was uncontrollable.

He chuckled. "That was a bit extreme, sweetheart. Raping, huh? Have you done it before?"

She pretended to be indignant. "I've never raped anybody before," she said.

"Don't toy with me," he said sternly, the effect of both of them in bed starting to cloud on him, as he began to feel his body stirring to life. For him, she had never looked more beautiful than tonight. "Have you made love before?"

"No," she said flatly.

He was not supposed to feel flattered and proud that she wanted him to be her first so badly, she threatened to rape him, and even without commitment at that! But he would not do that to her, if she wanted things to happen, it has to be his way, "Then how are you going to rape me?"

She smiled wistfully before answering, "I'll manage," and then she buried her face on his neck and kissed the skin just below his ear.

He sucked his breath and her admiration for her heightened for being so smart. She knew him well, too. If she had been rash and kissed him on the lips, he wouldn't have cooperated and would deny her. So she attacked him by kissing parts of him that don't need cooperation – like his earlobes, throat, neck, and his face.

He was getting giddy; he was getting high. He wasn't thinking straight and all he could think of is that awfully wonderful mouth of hers and the way she made his whole being responded to her. And when he thought he would completely lose his mind, she stopped. And hovered her face just above him, so close that he could feel her ragged breathing.

"Just this one night," she whispered, and when he shook his head, she nodded.

"If we're going to do this, this won't be just one night. If we do this, there would be no wedding tomorrow, and then eventually, we'll get married, do you understand me?" he asked, and looked at her daringly.

She refused to answer. Instead, she locked her lips to his and gently began kissing him. How could she outright say that there was nothing else in the three worlds she wanted more than to spend eternity with him, but she couldn't be with him? She knew how much his marriage means to him, and she wouldn't ruin that for him. She just wanted something from him to remember to get her by in the future cold nights in her room back in Reikai.

He responded to her kiss. For him, it was like she was surrendering to him. She had accepted their fate that they would be together. Their relationship was not the best, if ever, it was rough and the road was rocky. But they both loved each other and that was all that mattered.

And with every caress, he began to reminisce.

-

"_Why can't you act a little like Rei? You seemed as though you don't even care about me!" he yelled at her and glared._

_She glared back. "Oh yeah? Well, why don't you date her, then? I'm sure she'll like that!" she yelled back and began shoving him out of the room. "Go! Date her!"_

_-_

With every stroke, things started to return to him.

-

"_Kurama," she cried out weakly as her face contorted with pain._

"_Easy, sweetheart. I'm here for you, love," Kurama said while he continued to transfer some of his ki to her to alleviate some pain she was feeling, agonized that she had to suffer another one of her attacks. "All of it will soon go away."_

-

With every thrust of his body to hers, he was filled with thoughts only of her.

-

"_Hey?" he asked softly as she snuggled to him more when she had fallen asleep while they were watching a rented movie._

"_What?" she mumbled, her eyes still closed, not really wanting to wake up that moment._

"_Would you like to be my girlfriend?" he asked bluntly._

_She didn't show any sign of shock or surprise. Instead, she smiled. "Why?"_

"_Because I like you," he answered simply, then, "And I'm starting to fall in love with you."_

_Her smile widened, eyes still closed. "Really?" she asked in disbelief and snuggled a little more. "I like you, too."_

_He returned her smile. "So, is that a yes?"_

"_Yes. That's a yes," she said. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," she ended in a whisper._

_-_

And then, when they could no longer go on from exhaustion, the sun starting to creep up already, they fell asleep in each other's arms.

"Forever, Botan," he whispered, then drifted off to sleep; he never saw her shed a tear and shook her head.

_When you wake up and find me gone tomorrow_

_Don't think I meant to hurt you_

_I just did what we knew I had to do, oh_

_-_

_And all the time we knew_

_The time was never right for us_

_Time to leave this love behind_

_But I could never leave you, baby, if I see you cry_

_-_

_I'll say goodbye for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep_

_I'll kiss you softly one last time_

_And say goodbye_

_Like I know we must_

_There's just no other way_

_And I couldn't bear to see your heart break_

_So I'll wait 'til you're asleep to say goodbye_

_-_

_Please realize how hard it is to do this_

_I'm trying to make it through this_

_Say goodbye just as gently as I can_

_-_

_Please try and understand_

_This time's just not the time for us_

_We knew I couldn't stay_

_But that don't make it easier to leave you_

_So while I can find the strength_

_-_

_I'll say goodbye for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep_

_I'll kiss you softly one last time_

_And say goodbye_

_-_

_Before your arms embrace me_

_Before your kisses take me_

_Before your eyes can make me stay_

_-_

_I'll say goodbye for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep_

_I'll kiss you softly one last time_

_And say goodbye_

_Like I know we must_

_-_

_I'll wait 'til you're asleep to say goodbye…for the two of us_

_Tonight, while you sleep_

_I'll kiss you softly one last time and say goodbye_

_Like I know we must_

_There's just no other way_

_And I couldn't bear to see your heart break_

_So I'll wait 'til you're asleep to say goodbye_

* * *

She stirred when his hold on her tightened. And even if her whole body was aching, she tried to get out of bed as quietly as possible, so as not to wake the man sleeping beside her, and immediately got dressed.Tears fell from her eyes as she watched him, unable to move, unable to leave. It would be the last time she would see him. And he, her. This couldn't be happening to her – to them. And yet, leaving was inevitable. She needed to leave, and she needed to do it for him, that thought alone should give her enough courage to walk out the door and never come back. 

And so, after inhaling sharply, she leaned to him, kissed him lightly on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you for the memories. I love you so much, Kurama," she said and turned around and left, tears streaming down her face when she heard him whisper, "I need you, please don't leave."

_

* * *

_

…_When you wake up and found me gone tomorrow..._

_Don't think I meant to hurt to…_

The sun was shining brightly as he stood there in front of everyone, a priest in front of them.

"I do," he said clearly, for the whole church to hear.

And in the midst of the cheering of friends and family, she managed to slip off the crowd, afraid that the tears streaming down her face would dampen the joyous celebration of the most important person in her life.

When she was out of sight, her oar materialized and she sailed to the air.

I do.

She heard him say. _I do love you, Botan. _He whispered again that only her sensitive hearing could hear him, amidst the crowd surrounding them.

Amidst the distance between them.

Amidst the fact that he didn't know she was there, for she had hidden her ki well.

She smiled sadly, as the cold air whipped her face. _I love you, too,_ she whispered back, knowing only him could hear her.

But.

It wasn't meant to be.

…_Goodbye…_

* * *

_Oftentimes we say goodbye to the one we love without wanting to. But that doesn't mean you stopped loving them or you stopped to care. Sometimes, goodbye is just a painful way of saying 'I Love You'._

* * *

_-_

_-OWARI-_


End file.
